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DrJays.com Debate: Is it ok for a man to hit a woman back?

Submitted by on July 21, 2009 – 3:52 pm32 Comments


Chris Brown made a public apology yesterday for assaulting Rihanna earlier this year.

There has been much speculation since the incident on who started the fight. Many Chris Brown fans accused Rihanna of being “crazy” and for hitting him first.


Rihanna and Chris Brown

Although we may never know the answers, does it really matter? Is it ever acceptable for a man strike back if a woman is hitting him?

Women have approximately 40% to 60% of the upper-body strength and 70% to 75% of the lower-body strength of men. This is attributed to a few factors, including hormone and physiologic differences (Source: Stumptuous.com).

Knowing this, is it fair to say that even if a woman is absolutely losing it on a guy, he should just take it and try to restrain her/get away from the situation?

Or can a man not be held responsible for his temper getting out of control when a woman is really pushing his buttons?

This is a sensitive topic with widely varying views we’re sure. Let us know your personal thoughts!

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  • ©Love says:

    The statistics you provided really say it all. With that kind of strength disparity there’s absolutely NO excuse for a man to ever hit a woman. That’s not to say that a man should allow himself to be assaulted, but it’s not difficult at all to simply restrain most women and it’s even easier to seperate yourself from those kinds of situations.
    Of course no one’s perfect and sometimes things happen that we instantly regret, but it should also be noted that there’s a difference between ‘hitting’ a woman and ‘beating’ her. According to all reports, Chris Brown essentially beat the hell out of Rihanna, making his situation even more detestable.

  • Restrain the woman, hold on to her arms until she calms down and then get away. Dodge and block everything if you’re fast enough. It’s really despicable for a man to hit a woman. But, at the same time, women are pushing for equality with men on every level and do indeed deserve this right at human beings. Doesn’t that mean that women who provoke men to such lengths should be held accountable for their actions and may need to consider knowing when to calm down and walk away instead of escalating a situation to the point that they put themselves in danger? The key word here is self-control. Women and men need to exercise it. Everyone has their limits and everyone’s patience wears thin at some point. At that point, gentleman-like (and ladylike) conduct is thrown out of the window. Men shouldn’t hit women, but that doesn’t mean that men should be constantly and persistently provoked by women who don’t expect any type of retribution. Shouts to Lux and Rick.

  • lovechild31 says:

    i think since he did grow up with violence in his house he should’ve handle it better, but he didn’t. and it really doesn’t matter if she hits him 1st or if shes crazy.(at least the crazy bitch is making money).if he knew she was crazy than he should’ve got out of there sooner

  • S says:

    Men should never hit women is right..but it is hard for a man to restrain himself if a women is hitting him al the tym…that doesnt make it an excuse though but men shouldnt hit women…like every1 else said they should restrain the women…

  • Hey u there says:

    It’s never ok for a man to hit a woman, but there are some women that deserve it. For example I know a girl that is so annoying when she talks that I just want to smack her. And sometimes we as women take men there just to piss them off. But in the end men should just keep their hands to themselves.

  • Hey u there says:

    And for that little apology from Chris Brown. You are a day late and a dollar short brotha! He should have appoligized to Rihanna day one. I really didn’t know that he had it in him. Chris u messed up. I ‘am a girl and Rihanna is fine, I would never put my hands on that!

  • GoinHardOnaBeezy says:

    Nah screw that! If she wants to swing then she can get swung on! I’d knock a beezy out if I had too and not feel the least bit bad about it! talking about all that strength crap! Does that mean a muscular 6 foot plus guy should not hit a skinny 5 footer if the skinny dude is swinging. Cut the crap! Don’t start what you can’t finish is how life goes!

  • Mr. Strong says:

    Its already been said that women push for equality constantly. So it appears they already believe they are on the same level with men. Some laws wont allow a man to restrain a woman. In WA state if a man holds a womans arms or hands that is considered a form of physical abuse because it discomforts the woman. There are places that believe whatever happens a woman is too good to recieve retribution physically. Therefore if a man is involved in a situation where a woman is out of line and hitting him its best for him to retreat immediately. Not all of us have money for lawyers or have time to miss work over something very likely a woman started but couldnt handle.
    Its unfortunate that whatever happens the man will recieve the blame even if the woman is wrong. So if a man calls himself defending himself in the eyes of most he’s never right. Fellas be carefull.

  • Even with those percentages I have seen a woman knock a dude out. Seen my aunt do it to my uncle who was a cop. Seen a girl I knew do it to a dude that grabbed her ass etc. It’s not always in how strong you are it’s in the way you hit. IE: If you know how to hit then your using your whole body vs using just your arm. I’ve been hit harder by 5ftish girls than by 6ft plus dudes. It’s also in where you hit. I’ve trained in martial arts where the girls were just as good as the guys.

    That being said I’ll say yeah it’s ok to hit a woman back in self defense if what she is doing to you is causing you discomfort and you warned her already. Depending on the action you may not have time to warn. The reason is when a girl hit’s you they know either your not going to hit them back or if you do then they can work it to their advantage. Why because that’s society views on the guy. Your a pansy for getting punked or beaten up and your a woman beater if you fight back.

    Granted chris brown went overboard. I’ve been in his situation many a time, it’s not easy.

    Then there’s the mental affects of being hit or touched. When you tag someone your in their personal space. That’s a violation, so when you push me on my forehead or whatever it’s more a mental thing. But most men being men are used to handling things more physically so guess what’s going to happen? You have a confliction of instinct vs what has been drilled into you by life. One side will win. Females should know better.

  • huh? says:

    I’ve seen my mother hit my father plenty of times, i even seen her hit him with a guitar. Putting your hands on anyone is wrong don’t matter what gender. That’s how it should be from now on. I will never hit a woman voluntarily. It is dispicable to me, but if she’s attacking me and i can’t restrain her what am i to do?

  • yung albino says:

    there’s only so much a man can take, if a woman hits a man more than once rather than just say a slap to the face soon the man will get frustrated and strike back. honestly if women want to be treated equal then they should not be seen as better or above men in any way, if a woman hits you repeatedly then you should defend yourself. there’s a big difference between hitting and beating a woman.

  • Da'ja says:

    It’s never OK for a man to violently hit any woman unless she was trying to seriously injure or even worse,kill him.There is such a thing called Self Defense but in the case of Chris and Rihanna I can’t be a judge but I’m glad he made his apology to everyone.

  • Paul Rocks says:

    To some extent a man has every right to hit a woman back. If a woman hits you 1 time then you just need to let it go. But if a woman is trying to hurt you then you gotta do what ya gotta do.

  • 130SS-D says:

    You’re right in saying that it is a very sensitive topic. However, the answer itself is plain as day. Any self respecting man (such as myself) should never have the thought of laying a hand on his beloved, or any other women for that matter. Of course, in Chris Brown and many other people (women included) being raised in an abusive environment can and will heighten the risk of the child growing up to be abusive, physically or mentally. It is very obvious that this happened during Chris’ childhood, which helps lead to why he acted in the way he did. Even so, the only reason any of the children raised like that became their own worst nightmare is because they never sought help in getting past those painful memories. If Chris had done this in the first place, he could have prevented this incident far before it was ever in the works.

  • Misty White says:

    True, this is a very sensitive topic that since the Rhianna and Chris brown issue, I have had the same OPINION, and I still stick by it to this day. I am a 30 yr. old, single mother of THREE BOYS. I was raised by my grandparents, whom my grandmom was a nurse and grandfather is a business owner and dedicated pastor. I was raised on respect; “Respect for your elders, Honor thy mother and father, and ALWAYS RESPECT YOURSELF” isn what i was told my whole life. Sure, I grew up believing that a man should NEVER hit a female. But now that I am a mother of boys, my veiws have changed! I love my boys, and if a female slapped one of them because she did not like something that he may say to her, then…….hey, she’s own her own! What happened to, “TREAT OTHERS THE WAY THAT YOU WANTED TO BE TREATED?” If a female wants to be treated like a LADY, then ACT like one!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why put your hands on a man if you can’t handle what you got coming back to you? We never will know the whole(TRUE) story about whaat happened with the Chris and Rhianna,but I think that women need to seriously think about their actions before they start throwing blows!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • JuiceBox says:

    Personally, I think that a man should be able to hit a woman if she puts herself in that place. I’m a woman and I know how my attitude is and if I was a man putting up with me, I would be knocking my *** out. My mom has always told me that a man should never hit a woman but if a woman hits a man, he has all the right to hit her back. The whole Chris Brown and Rhianna thing is normal. The reason everyone is blowing it up as much is because of the names behind it. They’re just like any other man and woman in america going through hard times. Be it she hit him first or he hit her somebody was provoked and it escalated. Oh well, who cares because for one we’re on the outside looking in and it’s their business. Women have a tendency to push buttons until you can’t push anymore rather your arguing legitimately or rather your arguing for a way out. Know your limits and the man your arguing with limits. Don’t push buttons to the point where either of you are hitting lick for lick. If it gets to the point where your arguing too much or fights are expected, leave.

  • H-Town T says:

    As a women, I feel if you pass the first lick expect one back. So many women play the victim role, when they are the one’s that start crap to jump off. I’ve seen this happen over and over, women go through there dudes phones & etc find stuff & turn crazy. Then when he let her pass a few times, she takes a little further until he lashes out then she looking crazy because she didnt think he would hit her back. We are human & if you dont want to get it hit dont start it. And if you have go through your man stuff because you don’t trust him ask!!!! If you still feel like he’s messing around leave him alone. It’s not worth all the hassle…….open your eyes.

  • boobbymiles says:

    I think there is definetely something wrong with hitting a woman. I know my homegirls like to hit guys and every now and then they hit me. I just play it off and make it into a joke. Then one of my homegirls messed up and slapped me in the face and she was laughing but I didn’t hesitate to slap the taste out of her mouth. I didn’t go no further than that though. I do not regret slapping that girl at all. In fact the shit still makes me laugh when I think about it. Beating a woman is a no no though. My homeboi back in high school gave her a black eye for putting her hands on his mama. Really? That’s something you get a straight up beat down over but she just leaves with a black eye because men don’t beat females. I think if Chris Brown really did beat Rihanna like they say he did he deserves no mercy and them apologies are meaningless if he really did.

  • mediator says:




  • S says:

    DON´T DO WHAT U CANT TAKE!!! thats what i go by….

  • Mel says:

    …I feel like this: Yes men are stronger in a sense but that doesn’t give us any right [as a women myself] to hit a man! Were all grown here, we have common sense: You can’t just be hitting on a man and expect them to always walk away and be taking hits from you all the time:

    Something has to give: You Get What You Deserve! that’s how i see it, but ever situation is different sometimes yes you can walk away! but if it’s a DOMESTIC DISPUTE And BOTH PARTIES are HITTING EACH OTHER: then i have no PROBLEM and that’s very DIFFERENT from a MAN just beating a WOMEN for no REASON at all!

    because when u hit a MAN first and he hasn’t even TOUCHED you, your initiating the FIGHT!!

  • dsuave allday says:

    Just put it like this; If Beyonce assults Jay, and he comes public and complains, his rep as a rapper is over. Everyone will start sh*****g on him. But if its vice versa, then he’s the bad guy. So the woman is in a win win situation. I ain’t sayin a man should beat on a woman, but if a chick sees that she can hit you, punch you or whatever, then she gonna keep doing it and feel like shes over you. Chris Brown wasn’t wrong. It ain’t one man thats going to let a female put their hands anywhere in his face and don’t do anything. Its a natural reflex. Thats just real life.

  • J says:

    I have to agree with Mel, I have been in situations to where my ex-wife took advantage of the fact that I would not hit her no matter what situation we were in. I continued to walk away, restrain her and dodge. I regret not looking at her as a grown woman who needs to have as much sense as women expect men to have in a fight. Punches are punches, even though men can deliver a bigger punch, we still feel pain. So for all of those who said in circumstance should a man hit a woman back, I say, “If you’re woman enough to start a fight, you should be woman enough to go through a fight.”

  • Babezzz says:

    Hmmm I don’t think a man should ever hit a girl I think that he should do whatever he can to not put his hands on a woman which could be punching a wall, restraining her, walking away etc…I understand that it’s hard cause there is crazy ass bitches out there that wanna push a nigga to the limit like she asking to get hit or something…my advice to the ladies is look at your own actions as well in a sense we both deserve equal amounts of blame.

  • Move on says:

    My mother always said don’t hit if you can’t take the return hit back. Keep your hands to yourself. I don’t know who started it or who hit who first. I do feel however that if she did hit him first that he should have tried to restrain her or pushed her off. I don’t know the heat that was going on between the two of them at the time, so it is hard to judge. We all get angry at times and just go off, sometimes we lose control and we are sure not thinking about statistics in the midst of anger. We usually are not thinking clearly at the time at all. I think at some point you snap back and question what you are doing, but most often even that is too late. I say we stop trying to figure out who was wrong and work on how do we fix it. I disagree with the one person who stated a little too late. It’s never too late to apologize. How many times has GOD forgiven you on your too late apology? i don’t support what Chris Brown did, but at the same time I feel for him because we only know half of the story. And it is actually none of our business anyway. So many others have done so much worse and we let them live on. Let the man grow up, make his music and entertain us with the blessings GOD has given him. Let Rhianna heal her wounds as well. Move on…………

  • Spades11 says:

    1. Ok first it depends on size. Who is bigger who is smaller.if he is bigger he should be careful because you’ll be blamed no matter what.
    I am 6’7” i know.

    And once again if 3 isn’t possible swing back.

    2. Then it depends on if she is really hurting him. if so and you can’t do 3 once again hit back.

    3. Next it’s if he is able to restrain her.if he can’t and he’s getting wooped hit back.

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  • naynay says:

    I agree with GoinHardOnaBeezy;
    Nah it aint right for a guy to straight up abuse a woman or hit her just because or some crazy ish like that;
    but i grew up learning if you hit somebody dont expect to NOT be hit back it dont work like that. so yeah if she kept hitting him and he finally said fuck it and hit her back then thats that.
    everybody comin at chris like he a monster and an abuser.And I love rihanna to death but she playing the victim role real good; making it seem like she didnt do anything at all he just struck her.nodoby will know what really went down but those two.
    so we should just drop it.

  • Veronica says:

    I hate when people say retarded $hit like “women want equality so they should get hit back”. Is that what yall think women that fight for equal rights in the work force, in legislature and academically mean? That they want the right to have their a$$ beat by men that are twice their size? And in 2009 we have almost all the same rights and oppurtunities men do, aside from a few career options in the military. Why do we not get to have those few jobs in the military? Because we don’t have the physical strength or capabilty to be successful in those fields. Its impossible because as the stats in the article show, women are just not built like men.

    Point is, women that ask for equal rights are not asking to be beat. I think thats common sense.

    AS far as the question at hand, no I don’t think men should hit women, and i don’t think women should hit men. Fist fights are the most neanderthal way of conflict resolution and just ridiculous. However, I do think its MORE excuseable if under attack for a man to push a woman down, slap her once, or grab her and shake her, before leaving the situation, then to beat her with his fists until she is blue and bloody. The first time you punch a woman its safe to say you won the fight so why go on?

    Also if a woman makes you so mad you want to beat her, thats not a relationship you need to be in. If EVERY woman makes you want to beat her there is an underlying issue with you and you need to seek counseling. Period.

  • Big Poppa says:

    I’m not starting nothing with a woman. But if she slaps the sh!+ out of me….watch out! I’m slappin the taste out of her mouth. Don’t write a check you @s$ can’t sign!

  • CaSe says:

    Men shouldn’t hit women and any self-respecting real man wouldn’t normally do so or even want to do so. But it’s all about the situation. For example if a woman just slaps a man once, then it’s inexcusable for man to hit her back usually. ESPECIALLY if the man deserved it for some reason. Then there should be absolutely no thought in the man’s mind to return a slap if he deserved it. There should be no thought but shame and feeling like crap. After one deserved slap, the man should try to restrain the woman or calm her down if she is upset, but if it is an UNDESERVED slap or hit from a woman and the man can’t walk away or restrain the woman and she is going at him attacking him like some bat s*** crazy person – then maybe some women should be knocked out or tied up or something ’cause that is going way overboard and it’s self defense at that point.

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