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DrJays.com Debate: What’s the Deal with Chivalry?

Submitted by on August 13, 2009 – 8:43 am10 Comments


I have had many conversations with my girlfriends where the topic is, “what happened to the ‘gentleman’?”.

What happened to the idea of a man opening doors for a woman, paying for dinner, putting her in a cab at the end of the night without trying to make a move and calling to make sure that she got home safe?

Many men may be reading this thinking, “hey, I still do those things!”, but there are obviously some men who don’t feel they need to.

Last year, when Ne-Yo released his album The Year of the Gentleman, he told TheUrbanDaily.com his definition of a gentleman:


“A gentleman is patient. A gentleman is diverse. A gentleman is classy. He’s got unadulterated and unarguable swag. A gentleman knows what it is to dress the part. A gentleman knows never to let them see you sweat. A gentleman knows he not perfect but he’s damn close…

“Making an assessment of cats in the game and looking at men in general, there are certain elements of being a gentleman that we all need to work on. We need to bring chivalry back”.

Perhaps after hearing women push equal rights between the two sexes, some men are thinking “why do I still need to give up my seat on the train for them?”, or “she makes more money than me, why do I still have to pay for her movie ticket?”.

Should it still be on men to do the traditional chivalrous things, or should women be stepping up to the plate in certain cases?

Where do you stand on this? We want to hear from both men and women!

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  • Bishop says:

    To be honest. Chivalry is dead and women killed it. I will tell you why… There still are alot of Gentlemen out there one of them being myself. I still open doors/hold doors for women, hold her hand to help her get out a car, or give her my jacket when she “looks” cold or if it rains. However, at this point in my life, I almost don’t even waste my time anymore with that stuff because “most” women do not appreciate a gentlemen who will do those kinds of things for them. All “most” women do is complain about what a man is not doing. Then you break up with her and you get another girl and try to be a gentlemen again but this one leaves you because your too nice and you deserve better. After that, a normal guy would be like F%[email protected] IT! I personally have not reached that point yet, but I know alot of my brothers have. At this point in my life, I am still very much a gentlemen because it is in my blood. However, I have noticed women respond more when you keep the “DO NOT CARE/Gentlemen” concept 50/50. It is sad it has to be this way because now alot of women are walking around with the question mark above their heads wondering why? Why is chivalry dead? It’s dead because you killed it.

    Conclusion: Women have no clue what they want… haha You know it’s true.

  • I’m gonna try really hard not to write an essay on this one. For one thing, I think a lot of people are caught up in the images that we see in hip hop. Being that there aren’t a lot of fathers in the home and that the images and words of men on television/radio become surrogate fathers for many of us, there aren’t enough people setting the proper example in order to teach men to be chivalrous. Not only that, but the “thug” or the opposite of a gentleman has become glamorized and is not only who many guys want to be, but also who many women want them to be. I’m sure I won’t be the only one who reads your post and reflects back to times that I was rejected because I WAS chivalrous, or “too nice” as the ladies in question put it.
    With that said, I think a lot of women have lowered the bar when it comes to chivalry. The trends and behavior of men greatly adjusts to whatever women find to be attractive at the time. Maybe there aren’t enough women who know that they deserve to be treated like queens and therefore tolerate much less than that from guys on a daily basis? I don’t think women have any idea of the power they possess to get a man to treat them exactly the way they want to be treated. All it takes is for a man to know what you expect from him based on how you treat and respect yourself. He knows from that point that he has to be respectful (different from most guys today) in order to even THINK about stepping to you. So ladies can “create” gentlemen, just by expressing that those are the kind of men they are looking for. They can also feel free to hit me up. I’m an original Southern gentleman, the last of a dying breed.
    It still pretty much became an essay, hopefully you guys don’t find it TOO long…
    Shouts to Luxlife and Rick!

  • luxurylife says:

    I feel that in certain situations both parties need to step up,Sometimes we want have a our cake and eat it too. Women want a guy who does it all but still want there own as well Guys want a lady who can cook clean work 8 hours still look good and still be a freak in the bed!!! It has to compromises tho men should cook and clean if you lady works long hours women if you have a man who has recently been laid off or doesnt make as much as you do then treat out sometimes.But remember please dont take it for granted or take advantage.Real men take care of whats theirs and you a kid if you need a woman taking care of you.Women have just as much opportunity to be sucessful so dont down your man help him get back on his feet and if you arent disabled no man should be taking care of you have some business about yourself. Men and women should get along like sports, If im kobe I need my odom and if the roles are reversed then still you should swallow your pride to get that ring or goal so to speak. Robert Horry got more rings than jordan and he was never a superstar just a guy who knew his role

  • Well if I’m going to write a novel, might as well make it rhyme.

    What happen to chivalry:

    I knew a real cool person, his name was chivalry.

    His heartfelt concepts blessed onto guys like me.

    The purpose was to make women feel special.

    Little did he know that this would be fatal.

    What was once a good thing is now dread.

    Because of ill thoughts that continuously spread.

    The vile things that female haters did and said.

    Users of chivalry are trying to get a girl in bed.

    Lies like this seeped into many females head.

    Our gestures of kindness thrown in our face.

    A form of respect, disrespected to prove a fems place.

    Bad went to worse, chivalry was thought of as weak.

    The era of female dominance were at it’s peak.

    Eyes were rolled, heads tilted as the doors were opened.

    Grumbles uttered, but not a “thank you” was spoken.

    Seats were given out when, but taken with hassles.

    Well screw it then, we might as well be assholes.

    More and more kindness met with no appreciation.

    Once plentiful, now is given with hesitation.

    Battles like this went on all over the nation.

    As this war went on, the final blow was struck.

    Chivalry got caught slippin, then he got stuck.

    Started the morning yawning and getting out of bed.

    Ended getting popped in the back of the head.

    Maybe it was the stomps to the heart instead.

    It doesn’t really matter how… chivilry is dead.

  • @#$$% says:

    Co-sign to luxurylife….it’s a 50/50 thing no part is greater than the whole but it’s funny that no women have posted so another co-sign to Chris J

  • Bishop says:

    I am interested to see what the ladies have to say.

  • Veronica says:

    Well well. Honestly I never had a problem finding a dude that is chivalrous, but I have had a problem finding one that stays that way. Seems all is swell and dandy in the beggining then they get comfortable and it falls off and I find (or used to find) myself thinking like “I remember when”.

    As a female I do accept the blame a bit looking broad perspective. Something about nice availible men used to be a turn-off for me in my teens and early twenties (I’m 25 now). Maybe it felt more rewarding to be with someone more difficult to be with. Maybe the complex was like “this dude treats everybody like this I want to feel special”, hell if I know. I think its something I as a woman have matured out of. I don’t regret though not becoming committed to the first Mr.Nice Guy because you learn a lot going through the motions. But I guess the answer to the question is they’re out there just overlooked. There are a lot of people right in our face that we just feel like they’re blockin our view if you catch my drift.

    Oh and I co-sign Chris, lol.

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