Are You Being Treated Like A Queen?
The saying is often used, “She treats me like a King!”, or “He treats me like a Queen!” However, more often than not this treating like royalty is a one-way street leaving the other person’s needs abandoned, which can lead to feelings of depression and neglect.
This is one of those situations that requires at the very least understanding of the obstacles for patience and endurance, or at the very most change of partners. If left untreated there will be serious hurt and pain with damage done to the long term aspect of the relationship making it very difficult to survive.
Many years ago, I had a boyfriend that was very, “young at heart”. By that saying, I mean “self-centered”. As we progressed in our relationship, I was constantly, doing things for him.
I helped him stay organized and focused in his job, remembered birthdays for his relatives, and generally catered to his every desire. In essence, I treated him like a King. I knew his potential and I loved him, so I tried to dedicate myself 110% to loving him and making the relationship everything that it could be.
His friends accused me of, “spoiling him”. I found through the course of the relationship that not much of this, “spoiling” came back to me or the relationship, but instead turned out to be a one-way street leading to his desires being met and mine going unfulfilled.
A great example of this one-way street of spoiling was in birthdays. On his birthday I always made a big deal with a lot of fuss, including handmade cakes from scratch and decorations, finding special ways to make him feel like the special person he was in my life.
While this is something that came very easy to me and I took great enjoyment in doing, the reciprocation just wasn’t there. When my birthday would roll around, he would be busy with friends, or worse would use the excuse that birthdays weren’t worth celebrating. Even though he had been more than happy to receive the next year when it came back to him.
It took 2 1/2 years of this scenario before I reached the conclusion that I could not have my cake and eat it too. Meaning that I was faced with a dichotomy.
Either accept the relationship with my needs falling into second place with me serving his needs, or regain my needs being fulfilled by me without having to cater to him because I would be independent and single.
By nature I am a caretaker first, like so many women in this world. I have realized that in addition I am a peacemaker and cannot exist without peace both with myself, but also with the one I am with.
This together presented an interesting challenge to my happiness. As I was peacefully bound, I was trapped between my peace of mind and his peace of relationship.
There are times when woman like me truly enjoys the act of giving, being able to make a difference, to care, to treat their man like a King. The act itself is not bad, although many people would have you believe it is your fault, that by, “spoiling” you are ruining that person, setting them up for imminent failure.
There is a saying that when you are in a young love, you only want the benefits that love brings to you. But when you are in a mature love, you want to find someone you can share your love with.
When you find someone who is equally on the same plane of wanting to “share” you will find that all that “spoiling” really pays off nicely, and isn’t really spoiling at all, it is more the golden rule of treating someone the way you would like to be treated.
But it all depends on where you and the other person are on your life path. If you truly love to love, than it depends how evolved the other person is and how much they can grow and change, versus how much time you can endure before you can come to a compromise. What I mean by this, is that it takes time to change, to bring about a new habit.
Just as it takes me more than once to learn a life lesson, it takes other people a few times before they start to want to effect change. However, all this time that we have to allow others to grow and change habits can seem like eternity on our end.
It becomes much like that chapter in which Christopher drags Winnie the Pooh by one leg down the stairs and you being Pooh, have to go, bumpity, bumpity, bump all the way down.
Relearning life lessons that you have already been through before, but with a new person that has yet to experience them, can be very trying. It would be the equivalent of putting in the effort to train to climb Mount Everest without knowing that it was the tallest mountain in the world.
You would want to know what lies ahead of you before blindly committing to a relationship that requires an endurance of patience.
So in conclusion there is a choice that needs to be made when it comes to missing out on reciprocation; to compromise and endure with patience, or to have peace with yourself first and find happiness the second time around with someone who is more your equal.
I will just show you the options around a situation and how to achieve the desired outcome. So, are you being treated like a Queen by your King? Or is it a one-way street? In which case, do you want change?