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Highs & Lows: The Introduction

Submitted by on March 9, 2010 – 12:38 pm20 Comments

I’m new at this….be gentle!

#MoviePlaying- What Women Want

Where the hell am I? Did the power of that update button on my Twitter page (I’ll explain that later) really land me in the position as the relationship columnist over here at DrJays.com Live? Oh how I’ll probably regret this come next Monday.

Anyway, let me properly introduce myself to you guys. I’m LowKey. No, no, no…my mother would kill me if that’s how I really introduced myself in a public forum. My name is Nile Ivey. I’m a 27 year old blogger/journalist/Chipotle enthusiast/hopeless romantic/beanie bopper from South Brunswick, NJ. You may recognize the LowKey moniker from the pages of YouHeardThatNew.com and BET.com. Yeah, I cause trouble over there as well.

This column was TOTALLY unexpected and was dropped in my lap (in a good way) during my journey back to the Garden State last night (I work in Manhattan). Trending Topics can either get you in a shitload of trouble or open you up to new experiences; for me, it was the latter.

Before I proceed let’s set some rules on this relationship playground. In no way, shape or form am I a relationship guru. For God sake – I’m still single. You can also rule out the traditional format of a conventional relationship column. We’re going to take this ride together.

“Highs & Lows” will focus its energy of experiencing the high’s and low’s of the dynamics of relationships. From that grade school crush type feeling all the way up to the bury his/her body in a backyard feeling that creeps up on us when shit just isn’t going right. Who am I to act as if I don’t experience the same problems? What, just because I’m privileged to share some words of wisdom (I wouldn’t even call them wisdom) means I’m perfect? Ha, if you only knew the half.

My mini rant about #relationshiprules on Twitter is what got me here. Surprisingly, I was received A LOT of love from my followers in regards to the logistics on certain rules that are standard in relationships. Seeing how 365 days is the longest I’ve ever lived in a relationship, I was pretty damn shocked about the information my brain was spewing.

Maybe it’s because of the movies I’ve watched (Love Actually, That Thing You Do, The Holiday, Sleepless In Seattle, What Women Want, P.S. I Love You), the relationships I witnessed growing up or my personal hopeless romantic antics, but I sort of GET this relationship thing. Why I’m still single? Well, that’s a whooooooole different topic I have yet to figure out. So let’s get to these #relationshiprules first.

#relationshiprules Accept who you are first before you go fucking up someone else’s life.

In order to truly understand your partner, a complete understanding of oneself has to be accomplished. Picture yourself sitting him/her down to console, listen, motivate and everything in between when you can’t even configure the bullshit in your own system. It’ll be the understanding and confidence you exude that will make them completely comfortable in putting their trust in you. If your self esteem is a shit storm, don’t rain on someone else’s parade.

#relationshiprules Respect them up close and admire them from afar.

Respect is a two-way street. However, egos and pride have yet figure that out so it’s a pretty tough battle in seeing who gets it first. The respect factor, though, keeps egos and pride in check, thoroughly. And once you respect him/her up close, you can sit on a mountain top and admire the shit out him/her from afar. You become in awe with everything and anything they do because you simply respect it.

#Relationshiprules Take him/her on a date. Remember when y’all went on dates. Well, what the hell made y’all stop?

I remember a date me and a recent ex of mine had. It was f*cking (sorry, I like to curse) awesome. First we went to Coldstone Creamery (my favorite place in the world) where we stood and ate ice cream in front of each other. Then, we went to a movie right up the street. Directly after we snuck into another movie – nope, we didn’t pay, lol. We concluded the evening with a nice walk through Times Square. The best part(s) of the evening was both of us asking “Okay, so what do you want to do next?” Long story short: go on dates. Recapture that grade school ambiance. Build a ritual that belongs to you and him/her. Nothing expensive or extravagant, just something you KNOW you and him/her will enjoy doing. Why not?

#Relationshiprules Be proud of him/her. At the end of the day, you’re one of the few reasons they’re grindin’ so hard.

I honestly can’t stress this enough. Support, support SU-MOTHAFUC*ING-PPORT. No matter what it is, if it makes him/her happy, support them. You accepting/supporting a feat that’s important to them will encourage their spirit more than you’ll ever know. Think about it, once they become successful off that tiny feat, they’re going to look back at you to accompany them in enjoying the benefits. They’re not only doing this for themselves, they’re doing it for you as well.

Okay – so the first ride is over. As I lay these rules out for pondering, I’m also taking them in as well. It’s crazy how much a perspective can change once it’s laid out in front you, isn’t it? Any questions? Leggoooooooooooo (Oh, that means let’s go. I have to remember this isn’t a hip-hop blog).

I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but hopefully it won’t be too long of a gap. Ya’ll ready for the ride? I know I am.


Low “You know you give me butterflies, right?” Key

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  • Boss Lady says:

    First comment – welcome to the team! LOVE your initial #relationshiprules and look forward to reading more :)


  • Eb says:

    Let me find out my lil bro knows a lil something about relationships. Congrats on the column bruh! I shall be back to see what else you have in the big head of yours!

  • Claudia says:

    Good Job Twin!! I’m proud!! :)

  • Tia (NYFab!) says:

    Aww Low…this is my field (counseling/relationship & family therapy) so I’m exceptionally critical, but from our talks and from what I’m reading so far….I am very impressed! Good look love! :)

  • CathrynMarie says:

    You’re like Carrie Bradshaw when she was speaking to a class of single women about relationships; ha! Love it! LOVE the title even more! This works because you’re a writer that doesn’t leave any details out, making the reader comfortable with you by being personable. From Dr. Jays to Honey Magazine to Essence to Mens Mag; the world is literally in the palm of your hands w/ the column! Good luck :)

  • BEN says:

    stay blogging for dr.jays, i like ur blog

  • Anne says:

    Great blog! So y are u single again?

  • Modi says:

    you bout to get wifed up (or at least meet some baaaaaad females) from a damn relationship column. great f*cking work, dude. that’s brilliant.

  • Kwaping says:

    Great first post! I look forward to reading more. Very insightful.

  • Kwaping says:

    One note though, you should probably try to stop cursing. It takes away from your credibility.

  • CHRISTAL says:

    Good post ….look forward to seeing more. My diddy is all grown up :)

  • Womnworth says:

    Okay I am all about tough love for your 1st post…What you have written is very nice and sweet…if you are growing backwards in life like Benjamin Button…I do respect your openness towards sharing your relationship experiences…But lets keep it real…As “ADULTS” we have to let go of this want for the “Butterfly Stomach Tingle” every time we meet a person…I am going to take the leap and say that is why you are “SINGLE”…You have to “GROW UP” because you are caught up in this televised million dollar “LOVE” advertising frenzy…If you want a real honest relationship…you have to be ready to let go of wanting to feel like every time you meet a woman/man you want to have a high school crush/first date feeling…that is not idealistic and that is why MOST of us are walking around aimlessly thinking “ WOW I am a GREAT person but why am I SINGLE”… Relationships take “WORK” and although your #relationship rules are “CUTE”…I wish they stated more things about the importance of Communication, Affection, Honesty, etc. I truly think sometimes we ourselves are afraid to admit we are assholes who want to be handed Kings/Queens…We have to face reality and “BE” what we want from a partner…

  • edaki says:

    I’m impressed to hear these words come from you! Great write up. I’m interested to hear what more you have to say about the topic. Womnworth made some good points but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you will touch upon those topics…this was just an introduction. GREAT JOB MY NIG!


    @Womnworth: I’m going to have to disagree with you. (AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

    “Nails” didn’t say anything about a relationship not taking work. In fact, all his rules point to hard work. Knowing yourself can be hard. It’s a “work in progress”. Respect up close and admiring from far takes work. Let me tell ya, learning to be ok with the things my guy did was/is hard work. I’m not going to sit here and talk about how great my relationship is, and yadda yadda and i’m so in love. But I will say we put in work to make it work. We go on dates every now and then, cause our schedules get so busy, that it’s easy to get lost in it. To that point, Nails last rule is hella hard work. My guy is my biggest supporter, and I can say that I def try to be his. I’m supporting him because I know what he puts in now is to for the benefit of us…and vice versa. We’re essentially working towards the same goal. But again, we can get so caught up in those schedules/endeavors. We have to work to keep the balance of support alive. It’s crazy, because all the things you said that you wished Nails has spoken about: COMMUNICATION, AFFECTION, HONESTY…they’re all there. You just didn’t see those exact words, but they’re there.

    You mentioned (while we spoke on the phone) that his post was kind of “Kiddish” We’re told to be childlike in our love for God, so what’s wrong with having the love like a child for another person.

    NAILS: I didn’t realize you were such a romantic! i love it.

    (excuse the stream of consciousness. i was trying to get it all out, so I don’t even know if it makes sense!)

  • Num1 says:


    WOW! I have to say @ relationship and loving it… that your post is amazing…Your words and being able to see through the “red tape” of relationships is a great skill….One of the biggest mistakes we as humans make is not taking the time to understand one another.

    Men and Women are two different species trying to make it work…Well how many of us really try to be understanding to the opposite behavior of our sex? I think this really helps and as the writer of this blog has indicated if you take the time to understand yourself …you will be able to understand someone else a lot better.

    Lets think about the description of TRUE LOVE

    1. LOVE IS PATIENT..(Patience takes understanding..it takes time to understand and know a person)

    2. LOVE IS KIND…..(Real love allows a person to be gentle during this process of knowing your partner and not jumping to conclusions. Real love allows you to not place your opionions and judgement upon your partner)

    3. LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS …(When a person really cares about you they will go through this process with you…because things of value are worth the wait)

  • Mr.Robotic says:

    this is dope homie!

  • Rynai-Alex says:

    My M2 Couch hopping buddy! Great stuff! This blog seems somewhat sane…let’s see how things go down when you gooo iiiiinnn!!! Looking forward to reading more ;-) .


  • CheyaThou says:

    DOPE post! LOVES it great male prospective and shows that some men really do think past the very moment they are in. I follow you on twitter now get to see how your mind processes relationships outside of 140 characters! I look forward to the next post! Thxs for sharing!!

  • cieaura says:

    Hmm it it seems as if your blog consumed the initial comment it was extremely lengthy therefore I suppose I’ll just sum it up what I had written plus say, I’m thoroughly relishing your blog. We too am an ambitious weblog writer but I’m still fresh to everything. Have you got any tips and hints for beginner blog writers! I truly certainly be thankful

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