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Highs & Lows: The “Compromise Factor”

Submitted by on March 22, 2010 – 8:03 am3 Comments

You scratch my back, I’ll massage yours…….

#MoviePlaying: Fever Pitch

It’s been said men and women are extremely selfish, a characteristic that neither sex will remove from its soul anytime soon. My hard-headed self has just grasped the fact that you’re supposed to share food even when you’re not on a date. Blah!

Over the past seven years, I’ve been pretty stubborn with the opposite sex. I watch what I want to watch. Eat where I want to eat (not all the time; my food selection is pretty limited) go where I want to go and do what I want to do. However, over the past three years I’ve learned that’s not the greatest mentality to carry.

See, in order for this thing we call “a relationship” to work, a compromise or two, or three or four or five or six, must be a part of your “Relationship To Do” list. Yeah, I know you feel like your sense of independence – something you’ve worked so hard to obtain – is diminishing by the second. But trust me, it’s not all that bad…it really isn’t.

Let this compromise thing swirl around in your head before you go throwing it out the window on some “I’m me and if he/she can’t accept it, ‘F’ em” ish.  I can’t tell you how many times I felt like throwing an “experience” in the wind because I had to “compromise” some of the things I was accustomed to doing, just so she could feel like I was meeting her halfway. But the truth of the matter is it can work to your advantage.

You see, a relationship is a two-way street; something we’ve heard many times. But when it comes down to applying that actual sentiment, our selfish mannerisms clog the lanes and we’re back at square one – ALONE. I’ve come to learn that compromising certain things will only make room for the unknown, which isn’t always a bad thing.

In this process, I’ve discovered three forms of compromise: “Tolerance”, “Acceptance” and “The Offer.” With these three gestures, the “Compromise Factor” will not only be a painless experience but will only show your partner that you’re willing to grow with them in any shape, form or fashion. Let’s dive in shall we?

Tolerance: This step is the most grueling. Say for instance he/she wants you to watch a certain show that you know DAMN well you wouldn’t set your eyes on even if someone paid you a lump sum of moolah to do so. You’re doing everything in your POWER to neglect that show, but the argument they’re putting up is just too massive. So, you sit and watch. That 30, 45, or 60 minutes of torture just earned you a TON of brownie points. They’re probably saying to themselves, “Wow, this mofo actually sat through the entire program.”  And if it was on during one of your shows, trust me, they’re making a huge mental note.

Acceptance: Now that you’ve graduated from tolerating that one thing they love so much, you’ve learned to accept it. The complaining muscle in your body has miraculously disappeared and you’ve become a mute when it comes to that particular subject. You sit through that show. You watch that type of movie. You eat at that particular restaurant (as long as it doesn’t cause health issues) and you’ve come to accept that big mouthed broad who won’t shut up because she thinks she knows everything. Sorry, I digress. You get my drift though, lol.

The Offer: This last phase will knock their socks off. Not only have you now tolerated and accepted their vice, but you’re willing to offer up YOUR time for it. Without them even acknowledging the issue, you bring it to the table. You tell them, “Hey, you wanna watch Bad Girls Club tonight when I get home?” It’ll be like a scientist discovering a new dinosaur species. Believe me when I say that THIS will make your relationship THAT much easier to deal with. Try it. Make that reservation. Buy tickets for that movie. Take him/her to that place you KNOW will make them smile harder than a three-year-old on Christmas morning.

Again, I’m no relationship guru, but I’ve come to find that the “Compromise Factor” has been my biggest downfall and I’m sure it’s been a lot of yours as well. I thought complaining about doing what they wanted to do would just get them off my back about it, but in reality it made s*it so much worse. I’ve lost out on a couple good “experiences” due to my stubborn ways, but I also learned a lot in the process.

There’s no time frame on the “compromise factor” so don’t think this is going to work instantly. It all starts with you. Are you ready to give up some of the things you like to do for that other person? Are you willing to accept and embrace his/her world? If so, get to work. If not, keep your ass as far away as possible….no one likes a stubborn asshole. Trust me, I know.


Low “Give a little and you’ll get a lot” Key

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