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The 9 Things Lil Wayne Should Do In Jail

Submitted by on March 22, 2010 – 4:14 pm14 Comments

Lil Wayne is an exuberant musical genius and ladies’ man, so life in lockup must be hell. No girls, bad food, and an unfashionable lock-up uniform. While he’s on an extended vacay at the most exclusive residence in New York City, here’s a list of the activities he could do to make this extended siesta a little more exciting.

1. Get an associates degree.

Lil Wayne ain’t no dummy. In interviews he expounds on his love of learning and the good grades he achieved. Wayne would be even more official if he got himself an Associates degree. He won’t be in jail long enough to get a B.A. but he can certainly get it poppin’. He might even be able to get his credits to transfer to a better school.

2. Study world religions.

The warden can take away his grill but he can’t take away his Bible. Rikers offers a variety of religious activities. Think of all the new ways he’ll be able to enhance his rap lyrics if he’s got a lock on the Koran, the Torah and the Bhagavad Gita?

3. Shave his head.

I know, I know. Lil Wayne without his dreads is almost sacrilege. But if Wayne is using this jail time to “rehabilitate” then maybe it’s time to revamp his style—new you, new ‘do. Rikers has an in-house barber and a haircut costs $2— I’m sure he’s got that in his inmate account.

4. Share the talents of your fellow inmate.

Martha Stewart emerged from jail looking skinny and well rested, but all everyone talked about was the handmade poncho she wore for her post-jail debut. Turns out it was crafted by a fellow inmate. How hot is that? Lil Wayne could follow suit: Let one of the inmates write lyrics for his next album. He’ll look like a genius for discovering new talent and the inmate will get some shine.

5. Knit outfits for his kids.

He’s got time. And nothing says love like a homemade scarf.

6. Pump Iron.

Then you’ll become Big Wayne. And there’s nothing like muscles to make a man seem fresh and new. Just don’t get all Busta Rhymes on us.

7. Write a book.

Published authors get hot chicks. (Can we say Salman Rushdie and Padma Lakshmi?) The book doesn’t have to be long it just has to top the New York Times bestseller list. And if past album sales are any indication, you’ll top the list in a week.

8. Teach a course in Romance 101.

Lil Wayne isn’t tall or classically handsome and always has that damn grill in his mouth. But he is beyond magnetic. He works a seductive brew of confidence and bravado and slays hot chicks. Jail won’t derail Wayne’s game, so it’s time for him to share the wealth.

9. Count how many times he said “No Ceilings “ in his last mixtape.

We got it Wayne. No really, we heard it the first time. And we lost count at 5,082.

Got more ideas? Let us know what you think Lil Wayne should do in lockup.

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