Yes, I’m talking to you…

Twitter strikes again.

#NowPlaying: Alicia Keys- Wait Till You See My Smile

#DearFutureWife,

I’m a handful- let me just get that out the way first. I don’t listen. I’m very defensive and I hate to share my food. I’ll look at you like you have two heads if you question anything I’m doing or anywhere I’m going. I say that to to say this- I need you. Figuring out this weird thing we call life, alone, damn sure isn’t the business.

I look at my parents, and even though they argue (Mama LowKey has a smart mouth.That’s where I get it from) they’ve established and embedded in my peanut brain that marriages can be successful no matter how rough things may get.

I should probably begin telling you a couple key points that will probably affect you just as much as they affect me. Mama LowKey is a tough cookie. She can read you like a book over the phone, over email and definitely in person. She plays NO GAMES. Her wit, her pretty brown eyes, her extremes sense of humor and sarcasm…yeah all of that is swimming inside this medium frame of mine and is exercised on a DAILY basis. Yes I know, there’s a time and place for everything, but Mama LowKey and I love to play, so you need to adapt and develop coats and coats of tough skin.

Papa LowKey, well he’s a different breed. He’s the militant kind. Once he tells you something, that’s it- no questions asked. Of course, he’ll let you state your opinion but 9 times out of 10 that man has his mind made up. I inherited his work ethic and his stubbornness, something that we’re both working diligently on to improve. Papa LowKey’s been through a lot, but when you look at him you wouldn’t be able to tell because he’s such a damn solider. I’ve yet to master the art of disguise yet, but I’m learning. Don’t worry, he’ll love you just as much as I will…just don’t BS that man because if and WHEN you get caught it’s pretty much a wrap for you. *LowKey shrug

Sister LowKey, well good luck with her. She’s Mama LowKey and Papa LowKey rolled into one. She’s not to fond about females running in and out of my life so this little journey we’re about to embark on needs to be permanent. Regardless of who’s fault it is, if we get a divorce, she will cut you. Can’t say I didn’t warn you. You’re either going to be one of her best friends or a sworn enemy- there’s really no gray area with her. Oh and my niece Taylor, well she’s still trying to figure out why people call me LowKey so you’ll be A-OK in that area.

This is going to be a fun journey. We’re going to develop our own little habits together, take trips around the world with our friends and watch each others favorite shows until the other one falls asleep which will allow the one still awake to switch the channel. I can’t say I have everything mapped out. I can’t assure you I know how many kids we’re going to have, how many cars we’ll share, how many houses we’ll own or even what city we’ll be in. But I can assure you, our hands will be locked together while we figure these things out.

My life is a twisted and a confused one. Some days I’m happy as all hell and other days I’m not so jipper. This is where you come into play. Your smile, your scent, your sex appeal, your humor, your intelligence and your ignorance (the funny kind) is what will bring me back to level 10. It’s your being that will make me strive to win in this game of life. It’s your push that will cause me to work late late late hours so our life’s will be set until we leave God’s playground. Its your eyes that will strip me of all that macho BS and really bungee jump into my stubborn soul to figure out why the HELL I’m acting like a prick- especially when you didn’t do anything.

This world can be VERY VERY cold and lonely, but my love and affection for you will serve as a bulletproof/waterproof blanket- I promise you. I know you’re probably reading this like “Negro please, I ain’t buyin this sh*t!” Well put it like this, take me up on date for one of the “Triple C’s.” “Triple C’s” you ask? Coldstone Creamery, Chipotle or Calamari. If you give me 45 minutes involving one of the “Triple C’s” I can assure you, you won’t be disappointed. TRUST.

Sincerely,

Low “#YourFutureHusband” Key

Bookmark to: