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What Makes Men Serial Cheaters?

Submitted by on April 15, 2010 – 11:19 am23 Comments

With all of the recent hoopla surrounding male celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James, we were inspired to delve further into the topic of infidelity.

What is it that makes men cheat? It’s one thing to have a moment of weakness while in a committed relationship (not that we’re condoning that either), but we’re talking about what drives these men to shack up with numerous women, or in some cases, develop full-on relationships with the “other woman.” We know women cheat, as well, but you don’t see their cases covering newspapers and gossip magazines very often. Maybe we’re just slicker about it.

Take one of the most recent cases in the media, involving former NY Giants star Tiki Barber. The New York Post reported the 35 year-old had been cheating on his very pregnant wife with a 23 year-old college student named Traci Johnson. Tiki showered Traci with gifts, took her on trips and has now left his loyal wife for her. While the infidelity recently surfaced, this affair may have been going on for years.

Tiki and Ginny Barber

Then there was Steve McNair, who had a similar extramarital relationship with a 20-year-old woman named Sahel Kazemi. He was 36—similar in age to Tiki—when his life was taken in a murder-suicide at the hands of his mistress. McNair reportedly told Kazemi he was going to leave his wife for her, and then later decided against the move. Following his death, The New York Times revealed that McNair may have had another affair—one that lasted six years—with a stripper.

I have to ask: What is the point of getting or staying married if you know you can’t stay faithful?

In the cases of Jesse James and Tiger Woods, both of who just can’t seem to contain themselves around women, it could be a serious mental problem. They could be sex addicts who need rehab to get better. But are you buying this? Are these guys just straight up pigs whose only goal is to get with as many woman as possible?

Perhaps these men simply get married to appease the media, their families and others who put pressure on them to live traditional lives. Cheating men may  desire a nuclear family for themselves. They reach a point where they want that one main squeeze to call their wife, who will take care of their home and kids…while they freely indulge on the side.

It would seem that elements of society encourage cheating. There is actually an online dating agency called AshleyMadison.com which is dedicated to helping people in relationships have affairs. Their motto is “Life is short, have an affair.” On their website, they claim they aren’t encouraging cheating amongst married couples, they’re just providing “a safe and anonymous way to find partners to have an affair with, and make their experience a positive one.” The site also lists statistics on why people cheat, and “the basics about affairs,” including the following statement:

“The spark that you once had when you initially married your spouse disappeared somewhere along the way. Before you knew it you were on the Internet looking for cheating partners and women to have an affair with to bring that happiness and excitement back into your life.”

Is this the point where one should reach out to AshleyMadison.com, or try to work it out with their partner instead?

According to the site, only 10-percent of men cheat because the other woman is better looking than his wife. Makes sense, when you recall some of the most beautiful women, like Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Lopez, who have been cheated on. Looks don’t really don’t have anything to do with this.

In the case of men who know they can’t commit, should they just stay single their whole lives, or do they also deserve to live the American marriage/family dream, complete with a white picket fence?

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  • Frost says:

    I think it’s simply the fact that men are greedy. They’re selfish and always want more, even when their women has given their all.

    I think this is best explained by the 80/20 rule. A man is mad because he feels his woman gives him most. She cooks, cleans, good in bed, but there is just that 20% missing out of that perfect 100%. So who comes along? This beautiful woman, who’s sexy, better in bed, keeps in shape… The man decides this woman is what he’s looking for. Only after he’s already ruined his relationship, broken his woman’s heart, he finds out he’s left his 80% for only 20%.

    Men are stupid. And yes, I am speaking out of bitterness from a relationship.

  • Muggs says:

    “We know women cheat, as well, but you don’t see their cases covering newspapers and gossip magazines very often. Maybe we’re just slicker about it.”

    Seriously? This whole thing is so full of bias…

  • Agreed muggs. But I think the reason is look at the majority of who’s watching this type of stuff etc… FEMALES. No female is going to really care about if some female cheats on a dude, or they’ll get butt hurt etc… i.e. bad for business.

    Frost your trippin. That excuse of cooking, cleaning etc is played. I haven’t seen a woman do that for a in a decade. Most females I talk to don’t know how to cook. Marginal on cleaning, I’m not commenting on the bed part.

    My last girl was fine as hell. Yet possibly the worst relationship I was ever in. She was, bratty, selfish, lieing, cheating, gold digging, stuck trying to live a lifestyle she can’t afford etc. Why?, because her sister is like that. And probably their mom. Yeah she talked all the talk. I dumped her a few times, her like wise. Last time she did me. I was happy when she did, to be honest I was probably going to cheat. Just based on she wasn’t getting what I was saying. I treated her like a goddess. She didn’t appreciate it. Hell she tried to play me lol.

    I’m not pissed about it though, because I’m seeing/talking/whatever to 2 girls right now. One right now is possibly a keeper. My ex is still trying to figure out a way to get back with me or get back at me. Because her other plan fell through.

    With me it all comes down to, WHAT CAN YOU BRING TO THE PLATE? Being pretty, cooking, cleaning, good in bed isn’t cutting it now. I’m decent on the eyes, good dresser, strong will’d, athletic, well mannered yet still raw when I need to be, protective, caring, smart, focused and driven. I can cook, clean, bed etc. If I’m lacking in anything I will fix that, as should anybody.

  • billy says:

    how bou naw

  • Pro says:

    Just to make it clear, some people cheat, some people don’t. You just need to be honest with yourself and accept the signs. Trust me, you know when some funny business is going on (eventhough youre in denial). If your with a loser, don’t be afraid to drop them because of the money, cars, good bed unless u have no respect for self. THEY WON’T CHANGE FOR YOU

    Men & Women alike, don’t get lazy in relationships like most… or expect that the game is going to catch up with you. You should always stay in shape and on point like Lexington says. If not for yourself then for your partner. If you care enough you would try to keep things interesting. Thats how we do, instead of sitting on the couch eating bon bons we stay active, try new things. Good for the bed life.

  • vick says:

    both men and women cheat.

    but id have to say if he/she really loved u they wouldnt try to hurt you like that

  • Frost says:

    Rick: I think you misread my post.

    I said that even if a man’s woman DOES cook, clean, etc. he will still cheat because he still wants to act as if something is missing, when all he is doing is downgrading.

  • Matt says:

    So, why isn’t this article titled “What Makes Some Men Serial Cheaters?” At this rate, the article reads like a desperate plea for attention from some chick too spoiled and stuck-up to realize she’s the pain-in-the-ass that makes men cheat, as opposed to the thought provoking, discussion-encouraging article it is. I mean, how much of a backlash would there be if someone put an article up here that read “What Makes Women Lazy Golddiggers?”

  • @pro & vick, You’re right!

    @Frost, still applies. Pretty sure I read that right. You should take a look at the relationship from different angles, accept what you did wrong, reason for it and improve.

    @Matt, Pretty sure the writer is awesome, ok ok I still like her ahhhh you can’t go wrong in lovin kiki. And if for some chance I can, well I don’t want to be right lol.

  • Frost says:

    I’ve analyzed my relationship and for the most part, I did nothing wrong. I just chose to date jerks. Men who pretended to be mature, grown men, when in reality, they just weren’t. So that’s probably where I went wrong, not making sure the men I date are of a certain standard.

    Alluding to my original post, I still believe a majority of men are like that. Seriously, how many men cheat just because of something SERIOUS in a relationship? No, most cheat just because they can, want to, and don’t give a ish. You just have to look up statistics. Hell, a story is easy to find anywhere. I’ve seen blogs where a guy will screw a whore he meets in a club bathroom but he has a girlfriend.

    And yes, I am aware of girls who cheat as well. I’ve listened in on girls cheating on their boyfriends because they want to and because “they do it to us”. etc. But that’s not what this post is about.

    And I, for one, would love to read, “What makes women lazy golddiggers?” (Men guillible to fall for it, the media which praises such behavior…)

  • You bring some good points but you got to keep your mind open. It really is more than just sex with some men. Not just because they can. There’s a lot more than you think.

    When I was about to, I felt like what I was in was a continuous waste of time. She really wasn’t contributing anything, and there were way more negatives than positives. I tried the talking repeatedly, fixing it here and there. NADA.

    Statistics smatistics. I don’t go by it because things can be easily manipulated. I go by life… Why do I haft to read it from someone who is probably bias or looking for readers when I can get it raw from life.

    As for that article you want to see, it might be coming lol.

  • Louise says:

    I was engaged to a serial cheater. THREE TIMES.
    I believed the lies – fell for the manipulations –
    saw the evidence but was told by this loser, repeatedly..
    HAVE FAITH. I LOVE YOU!! Ok. Sure. He has cheated on every woman he was ever with, having the audacity to keep an online profile up on a couple dating sites pretending he was single… Why?
    He’s a race car driver. Flashy. Full of himself. Selfish.
    Charming – AND a brilliant liar. Why does he do it? Because he can. And the theory about having the “good little woman” at home to give him a feeling of “normalcy” and stability is true… WHILE at the same time enjoying NEW conquests who present themselves as premium targets. Does he want relationships with them? NO NO NO.
    He is GREEDY and is always shopping for a better deal. These people are nothing more than sexual narcissists – feeding their EGOS – and not giving ONE hoot who they hurt. WHY do they do it? I repeat.
    BECAUSE THEY CAN and WE, as nice – forgiving – loving women –
    ALLOW IT. Not anymore. I’m done. I found my self respect and will NEVER settle for less than a man who adores ME and ME alone.
    These immature “Peter Pans” will die alone – but before they do,
    they will have a HELL OF A GOOD TIME screwing everything that crosses their paths…. until they can’t.

  • Jackie says:

    Hey Louise, Does his name start with Rudi and end with Schick? Sounds like this guy and all women should be aware of him.

  • cheryl says:

    It boils down to if you allow anyone to take advantage of you they will. If you find out your husband or boyfriend is cheating kick there azz to the curb. Don’t tolerate or reward bad behavior. Don’t fall for any BS because they’ll keep cheating because they know they can, “you won’t go anywhere’ until they get divorce papers

  • kingsblaze says:

    cuz pussy feels so good lmao…woman are emotionally constricted with sex… guys care but if he aint emotionally involved with sumone then he wont care.. its just sex to him nothing more nothing less…he becomes a player when he starts to care and a man-ho when he just dicking erbody (by yall standards)…pussy runs the world if you wanna keep him… get off ya high horse and keep shit interesting…

  • Used again says:

    These post are everything my BF is which I just found out he is cheating on me. WOMEN STAY AWAY FROM MICHAEL MONTEZ

  • Tulip says:

    Men cheat because they are for the most part not taught, warned, and told not to, period. Men do not tell or admonish little boys to abstain from sexual dishonesty and infidelity. There are no guidlines that will prevent any male from cheating/screwing too much/having sexual self-control, except they are told to: 1. strap it up to prevent pregnancy; 2. strap it up to prevent disease; 3. don’t have sex with an underage girl so that you don’t go to jail—mind you, they are not told that it is immoral, they are told to avoid the inconvenience of jail… just wait till the chick is 18.

    They are not taught and told to respect women and take them seriously.

    Can you imagine what the world would be like if men taught boys from birth to truly and fully respect women and girls and to be faithful, the way girls are taught to abstain and be virgins??
    Can you imagine if boys and men were chatised and punished by other men for disrespecting women and cheating?? We would have a society of men who are upstanding, righteous, and treat woman with excellence and love.

    Fidelity is not a social norm, and it is not part of our culture or, I imagine, practically any where around the world.

    Where do you see fidelity being taught to men and boys? Where in the world do you whole groups of men in society that believe, preach, and practice fidelity and respect for women? A few churches talk about this, but on a whole, men and boys are ENCOURAGED to get some, get extra, and feed/prove their masculinity by continual sex. They are taught that to care about a woman’s wishes, opinions, and hurts is to be “soft,” and unmanly.

    Politicians avoid getting caught cheating because it is politicaly incorrect and potentially fatal to their careers.

    Men are sexually promiscuous because there are virtually no restrictions mentally except what women, who they don’t really respect anyway, tell them.

    Until men cease to be predators who continually damage women down in their soul, hurt their children by causing divorce or leaving them to find other women and create other families, our society will continue to be in shambles and the institution of marriage will continue to be in shambles.

  • Tulip says:

    Kingsblaze, you say p*** is so good— do you have any understanding how good sex is to a woman??? There is a REASON why women scream so loud! And, the more orgasms we have, they get better and stronger with each one. Seriously. You don’t see women cheating as much as men, or justifying because penis so good. Please, man.

    Wanting p**** is natural for a man, just as wanting a penis inside is natural for a woman. Why do men think they are so masculine and manly because they want p****?? It’s just nature!! God created it, and God caused you to want it!
    Most people enjoy sex because God, in His love for us, created orgasms so we would have a blessed time creating babies, unlike the animals who seem to climb on, and step off in 1 minute.

    Women are affected mentally at an early age when it comes to sex and males. We are told/taught to be wives and do wife things and to keep our legs closed. Fathers, mothers, movies, books, magazines tell women to “be good,” buy paper towels so you can better clean up after your family, and stay home and be dutiful around the house and to your husband. What would women be like if they weren’t taught this over and over? Probably different.

    But, don’t forget that there are plenty of healthy women who love sex and have sex for pleasure and aren’t drawn into relationships because of having sex…. but men like to insult them and call them freaks.
    Right?? Yes. Freaks. And they are respected as long as they are in the bedroom doing all kinds of things, but disrespected out of the bedroom.

  • Tulip says:

    I forgot to say that God also gave us orgasms because he wants us to have a blessed time being united with our spouses.

  • Boss says:

    I think serial cheaters are opportunists. If they can do it, they will. That’s men and women. I’m pretty sure women are far better at hiding it than men.

    I don’t think they really think about the person they’re in a relationship with when they are cheating. I think at that point in time it’s all about the game and getting your fix of attention/self gratification.

    I also don’t think there’s a reason for it. I don’t even think the other women/men have to be good in bed or better than the cheater’s partner in anyway. They just have to be someone different. It’s simply that a huge part of a serial cheater’s self esteem comes from pulling.

    I think this is wrong and hurtful behaviour, and they are probably suffering some serious psychological issues, but if you are a genuinely caring, faithful, honest human being who knows they are in this type of relationship, you need to get out.

    Don’t stick around waiting to find the answers so that you can try and fix it, because you can’t. Don’t ask “why?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “how am I lacking?”, just leave. Because they won’t even bother changing if they know they can hold on to that great guy/girl and still have their bits on the side. Infact, there’s nothing some one from the outside can do to change these people. They are like any addict, they have to make that decision themselves.

    I have been the victim of one of these serial cheaters and it broke me. The most dangerous thing I had in that situation was hope, but nothing ever changed.

  • Donna Ward says:

    Warning to all ladies out there…..stay away from ANDY DZIERZAK, he lives at bridge street, helmsley, yorkshire. He put himself on a dating site, was still married and had a 7 year girlfriend living with him. After receiving flowers, valentines cards, sexy nighties and a fridge…thank god i found out. I have never been treated so badly…lesson to be learnt.

  • Lulu says:

    Have not read the trail of comments above but thought you might all find it rather interesting that women cheat as well. The reason for this being that hubby has stopped being cutesy with us and taking us out to dinner and treating us special. Lo and behold…there comes a wolf…disguised as a sheep. He comes on to us very subtle and discreet…with time, he gets closer and closer.by creating a friendship that hubby is no longer investing in with you…. Before you know it, you are knee deep in sin.

    Spoken from experience (a regretful one)

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