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What Chilli Really Wants? To Be Single And Lonely

Submitted by on May 5, 2010 – 10:04 am7 Comments

Photo Courtesy Of A3 Urban Music

As a celebrity, reality shows are a very dangerous medium in which to present yourself. Some use it as a platform to promote a current project (new album, movie, etc.). Others use it to climb back into the limelight after a lengthy hiatus. And there are those who simply use it to open up their world to the fans who mainly know them by their façades on television. In Chilli of TLC’s case, she’s using it to get herself a new man with her VH1 reality show, What Chilli Wants.

But after a few episodes, the only thing we know Chilli “wants” is to be single and lonely as hell.

Considering that nobody knows much about Chilli outside of TLC and her relationship with Usher, the show initially appeared to give a peek into the life of Rozonda Thomas. But what we’ve seen thus far is a 39-year-old woman who showcases an extremely shallow side of herself when it comes to picking a mate.

If you are unfamiliar with the premise of the show, here’s a quick rundown:

Chilli is looking for a man to complete her. With all efforts failing her thus far, she goes to author and relationship expert Tionna Smalls for a little assistance. But Smalls may have bitten off more than she can chew as Chilli rolls out a surreal list of expectations that vary from eschewing pork and alcohol, being a good Christian to having an appropriate penis size. Smalls sets up Chilli on numerous dates only to find that nobody can complete her expectations checklist. At this point, Smalls is fed up with the TLC member’s antics and let’s her know that she is one shallow individual.

Let’s be clear, Chilli is not a bad looking woman. But she certainly has missed the bus of the peak years when her celebrity alone could have gotten her (almost) any man she wants. At 39 years of age, there needs to be some compromise when it comes to finding a mate. They may not be as tall as you want, but they could possess just about everything else. It’s one thing to have a list of expectations, it’s another to have expectations that perhaps only Jesus possesses (he might not fit her six pack abdominal requirements though).

But there’s another thing the shallow member of TLC hasn’t considered—what if YOU don’t possess what the men want? Some men may want double D’s on their lady. Chilli doesn’t have that. Light skinned? Nope. Big ol’ booty? Non-existent. Sure, these are just cosmetic things, but many of the things Chilli asks for are the same. Perhaps Usher, Dallas Austin and others settled for Chilli knowing they wanted something else.

The name of the game is compromise.

Strangely enough, Chilli has made it clear that she wants pound-for-pound king Floyd Mayweather Jr. And while he may not have everything on her checklist (height being the first thing that comes to mind), Mayweather has snatched her heart. But does she like Mayweather because of who he is or what he does? Would she feel the same for him if he wasn’t boxing’s pay-per-view king? Unfortunately for her, Maywather stood her up and gave her a swift kick of reality right to her gut.

Perhaps everyone doesn’t want Chilli. Maybe nobody cares about her like that anymore. The celebrity allure is gone and maybe she should consider that when it comes to picking a mate. But if she keeps this up, the only thing she’ll ever be is a lonely old woman.

We’re sure that’s not what Chilli wants, but it is something she is going to get.

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