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iPhone 5, iPod, iPad 3: Are You Obsessed With Apple?

Submitted by on May 25, 2011 – 8:42 am5 Comments
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So, have you heard the news yet? Apparently, a group of scientists used MRI recently to reveal the Apple brand triggers the same part of the brain often associated with religious rapture and devotion (no, we’re not making this up or trying to be funny—check out the link here!). Remember that time you skipped out on your anniversary to pick up the new iPad 2 and then spent the whole night downloading apps while your girl packed up her bags and told you never to call her again? It all makes sense now! There’s now a reason for why you are chomping at the bit for an iPhone 5 or iPad 3.

Okay, okay. So we’re not sure if we’re 100 percent on board with this recent study. Apple as a religion!? It makes a little bit of sense when you consider that people will literally sell their souls (and their first-borns!) for the chance to be the first in line to get an iPhone. But we also think that if you’re aware of the fact that you might be a little too Apple-crazy, then you can do something about it. So we put together a list of the five ways you can tell you’ve become too obsessed with going all-Apple-everything in your life. If you’ve got any of these symptoms, it might be time to start praying for help. Just as long as you’re not praying to Steve Jobs for it!

1. You set aside one “sick day” every year to stand outside of the Apple store for a new Apple product—or you plan your vacations around new Apple releases.

We all know this person. The guy who camps out outside the Apple store overnight. The girl who wakes up at 3am to order the new iPad. The person who never has money to cover the bill when you go out to eat—but always has the brand-new $700 iPhone (32GB, of course!). And if you don’t know this person, there’s a good chance it’s probably you. And if you’re rearranging any aspect of your life for Apple, it’s time to rethink your priorities.

2. You have—or have thought about getting!—the Apple logo tattooed on your body.

Yeah, soooooo….This should go without saying, right? But, yo: People really do this! SMH. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

3. You check 17 different Mac forums before you check the weather every morning.

Do you really need to know that the projected specs for the iPhone 13 before you have your breakfast? Probably not, but we’ll allow it. Do you really need to know about the antenna on the iPhone 8, the camera specs on the iPad 3, the weight of the MacBook that’s coming out in summer 2014, the latest tweak to iTunes, and the rumor about Apple coming to Metro PCS next Nevruary? DEFINITELY not—and if you care about anything we just listed, you need a better morning routine! Please step away from the rumor rill and resume your day!

4. You don’t have any kids yet (no need to spend your money on kids when you could be spending it at the Apple Store!) but you already know at least one of them is going to be named “Steve.” Or “Stephen.” Or “Stephanie”…

The co-founders of Apple are named Stephen and Steve (and Wayne, but that guy’s an idiot so forget him, right!?!). So, of course you’re going to name your first-born after one of them—assuming, of course, you don’t have to sell him or her to get that new iPhone!

5. You have a dart board with a picture of Bill Gates on it.

You are not a PC. And anyone who is deserves to be on your dart board! Because Apple rules and PCs suck and…Oh, we get the point. And we’ll use our religion to pray for you.

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