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Herman Cain Suspends Campaign; The Internet Responds

Submitted by on December 4, 2011 – 2:57 pmOne Comment
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Herman Cain has officially suspended his campaign for president. The Internet immediately began tearing into what is being called one of the most self-gratifying and inept presidential campaigns ever.

  • The Onion‘s American Voices: “That’s too bad. He was a serious contender to be president of the United States.”
  • The Onion: “Rumors Of Extramarital Affair End Campaign Of Presidential Candidate Who Didn’t Know China Has Nuclear Weapons”
  • Andy Borowitz, with “Original Draft” of Cain’s Speech: “…you disgust me, America.  Right now if I had my way, I’d up and move to another country… Only I don’t know where any of them are, and my wife won’t let me leave the house.”
  • Chris Moody, Yahoo News on Twitter: “BREAKING: Herman Cain plans to announce Saturday that he’s dropping his book tour and will start campaigning for president.”
  • JohnFugelsang on Twitter: “Herman Cain tells the crowd it’s time for ‘Plan B’ & half of America replies ‘That’s what she said.’ #cainwreck
  • Chris Lippincott on Twitter: “Nothing says ‘I’m a serious, honest person’ like wearing sunglasses to your press conference. #cainwreck”
  • Steve Hofstetter in the Washington Post on what Cain should say to his wife: “Admit you are cheating on her and cheat on her again. It seemed to work fine for Newt Gingrich.”
  • Keenan Thompson as Cain on Saturday Night Live: “I am innocent until proven guilty. That’s what this country is all about. If I can’t have that, I might as well go on and move to Labybia.”

As many of these show, comedians found it difficult to make the candidate and his campaign any more ridiculous than reality. It’s nearly impossible to embellish a man who flaunts his ignorance of foreign policy; rides an utterly nonsensical tax plan to success; brags of his intolerance towards the doctors who saved his life; decries government spending, while grabbing taxpayer dollars with a pointless Secret Service detail; contradicts himself and his campaign almost hourly; and variously draws policy stances from The Simpsons, Facebook, computer games, and Pokemon.

Of course, it looks like we’ll get another chance real soon.

Perhaps most infuriating is that none of this relevant incompetence is what finally ended Cain’s campaign. But for whatever reason, at least we can say: Goodbye, Candidate Cain, and good riddance.

[Photo via John Adkisson/Reuters]

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One Comment »

  • Machiavilli says:

    Man you are on a roll today when it comes to throwing out senseless, 3rd rate, leftwing garbage reporting. As for Obama’s devestating foreign policy, failed green-jobs inititive, horrible keynesian economics, garbage Obamacare(which is almost out the door)….

    if you going to talk about Cain, then lets reflect on the President that has a lower approval rating than any president in history and has no record to defend.

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