Dear Ms. Charlize Theron,

I was pleasantly surprised to see that your recent film, Young Adult, was filmed partially in my hometown of Nanuet, NY. We were truly flattered that our multiple fast-food franchises and strip-mall-lined highway could represent the great American cookie-cutter suburb. You obviously spent a few days in our beautiful hamlet, but I am afraid you missed the full experience of our community. I’d like to extend an open invitation for you to come back anytime and enjoy the many wonders that have earned us the nickname “The Bayonne Of New York.”

As evidenced by the movie, you have already enjoyed our famous Taco Bell/KFC, which draws visitors from miles around for it’s fusion cuisine and convenient location by the Thruway. But why not sample a local delicacy? Head to the Nanuet Diner for some mozzarella sticks- they’re downright edible! While you’re there, see how long you and 16 of your friends can loiter at a table without actually ordering anything before being kicked out. It’s our No. 1 youth pastime.

Another shot in the film showed you striding into the Macy’s at our iconic, though perhaps neglected, Nanuet Mall. But did you know the mall also has a Sears? The abandoned space in between the two, which used to house dozens of retail stores, is now perfect for jogging, paintball fights, or maybe filming a Hollywood zombie horror story. (Alternatively, the raccoons and fauna currently reclaiming the space could provide excellent set dressing for a post-apocalypse pic.) You could probably finish a month of principal photography before a security guard wandered through and asked what you were doing.

Young Adult for some reason filmed bar and nightlife scenes outside of our fair town, which was completely unnecessary; when the sun goes down, Nanuet just begins to heat up. Enjoy a cocktail on the veranda at Crossroads Restaurant, which offers stunning vistas of the parking lot. Then head over for a beer at the Whistle Stop Saloon (stabbing-free since 2002!), or shoot some pool at The Player’s Club (stabbing-free since January!).

Also, please let me assure you: this is not “Upstate” New York. Just 19 miles from Manhattan (and some 300 miles from the Canadian border), we prefer the term “Lower Hudson River Valley,” or “Not Westchester.”

Ms. Theron, if you had truly taken in the Nanuet experience, I’m sure you wouldn’t have left so quickly. Come back, and let us show you the meaning of our town motto– “Nanuet: We’re not just armored truck robberies and teachers who don’t believe in Santa!”

Sincerely,

Ben Glaser

[Disclaimer: Nanuet is actually a nice town in a weirdly affluent county. Come for a slice of brick-oven pizza at Martio's, and stay for the award-winning public schools. And always tip your waitress well at the Diner]

[Top photo via John Harrison; screenshots via Young Adult trailer]

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