Lady Gaga On Love & Lies: “I Became Very Depressed. I Was Exhausted Fighting People Off!”
Lady Gaga is a futuristic fashionista in the March 2014 issue of Harper’s Bazaar. Rocking some seriously out of this world threads, the 27-year-old “Applause” singer talks of letting go of the past.
“I became very depressed at the end of 2013,” said Gaga, who recently went through a breakup with former bestie Perez Hilton. “I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me. But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, ‘I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.’ I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, ‘Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.’”
That pep talk was exactly what Gaga needed to tackle the new year with a new sense of inner strength. “Depression doesn’t take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find,” she explained. “But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
That glimmer also helped the Artpop artist to win her battle over bulimia and anorexia. “I am better with food,” said Gaga, who started a Body Revolution in 2012. “I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. I’m also better at not letting people take advantage of me. Five years ago, when I spotted someone with a hidden agenda, I allowed them to stay around me. I didn’t want to believe it. I thought if I ignored it, then they would eventually see me again—that I’m a human being and not a doll. But it doesn’t work that way. I speak up now. I realized that it’s my own fault that people take advantage. I should be around people who cherish my talents, my health, my time. I’m not a pawn for anyone’s future business. I’m an artist. I deserve better than to be loyal to people who only believe in me because I make money.”
And while Lady Gaga is all about living in the present, it doesn’t mean there aren’t parts of her past that she deems worth saving. “The fashion I’ve acquired over the years is so sacred to me—from costumes to couture, high fashion to punk wear I’ve collected from my secret international hot spots,” she says of archiving her fashion. “I keep everything in an enormous archive in Hollywood. The clothes are on mannequins, also on hangers and in boxes with a photo of each piece, and there’s a Web site where I can go to look through everything. It’s too big—I could never sort through it myself! But these garments tell the stories of my life. And then there are the tour pieces. This is the section that is most sacred to me. These are the pieces that have collected energy, joy, and screams from fans all over the world. My fashion is my most prized possession for two reasons: 1) because it is a visualization of all the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am today; 2) because it is a legend to the encyclopedia of my life. It is exactly what I’ve aimed to seep into the artistic consciousness of people all over the world—that life is an art form.”
See exclusive photos from Gaga’s photo shoot with Terry Richardson below, read the entire Harper’s Bazaar cover story here, and pick up the issue when it hits newsstands on February 18.